Chapter 9 - The Truth I Never Told Her
Nango refused to sleep.
She sat on the edge of our bed, staring at the dark window.
I stood in the doorway, unsure what to say.
It had been the longest day of our lives.
Vukani was missing.
Sizwe had disappeared.
Her mother had admitted arranging the original contract.
And the man behind everything appeared determined to destroy anyone who stood in his way.
But that wasn't the only problem between us.
There was something I had been avoiding.
Something Detective Dube had forced me to confront.
"Nango."
She looked up.
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk."
Her expression changed.
"About your past?"
I nodded.
She moved aside.
I sat beside her.
For a while, neither of us spoke.
Then she asked the question I had been dreading.
"Have you killed people?"
I stared at the floor.
She waited.
"I've been involved in things that caused people to die," I said quietly.
"That's not what I asked."
I closed my eyes.
"Yes."
The silence that followed was unbearable.
Nango slowly withdrew her hand from mine.
"How many?"
"I don't know how to make the answer easier."
"Don't try."
I looked at her.
"There were jobs I took before I met you. Some were threats. Some were assaults. Others were worse."
Tears appeared in her eyes.
"Did you think I didn't deserve to know?"
"You knew I was a hitman."
"I knew what you told me."
That hurt because it was true.
When Nango discovered the original contract, I had confessed that I worked for dangerous people.
I'd admitted that I had done terrible things.
But I'd avoided certain details.
Not because she hadn't asked.
Because I was afraid she'd stop loving me if she knew.
"There was a man named Sipho Mbatha," I said.
She remained silent.
"I was paid to help intimidate him after he refused to cooperate with some criminals. I knew they were dangerous, but I helped them anyway."
"What happened to him?"
"He disappeared."
Nango's eyes widened.
"Did he die?"
"Yes."
"Did you kill him?"
"I didn't personally carry out the attack that killed him. But I helped the people who did."
She looked away.
My chest ached.
"I should have told you."
"Yes, Sbu. You should have."
"I was afraid of losing you."
She stood.
"Do you know what scares me most?"
I shook my head.
"That you still think loving me gives you permission to decide what I can handle."
I had no defense.
She was right.
Nango walked toward the window.
"My mother decided I couldn't be trusted with the truth. She decided my life was less important than protecting her secrets."
I stood slowly.
"I'm not your mother."
"Then don't make her choices."
Her voice cracked.
I took a step toward her, then stopped.
She deserved space.
"I've given Detective Dube everything," I said.
"Everything?"
"Yes. Every name I remember. Every job. Every person I helped hurt."
She turned toward me.
"And what happens when they come after you for those crimes?"
"I answer for them."
She searched my face.
"You could go to prison."
"I know."
"For years."
"I know."
Her tears finally spilled over.
"Then what happens to us?"
That question broke something inside me.
Because I wanted to tell her we'd be fine.
That nothing could separate us.
That love would somehow erase every consequence.
But I couldn't lie to her again.
"I don't know," I whispered.
Nango covered her face.
I remained where I was.
After a long moment, she spoke.
"I need you to understand something, Sbu."
"Anything."
"I love you. But I cannot become the reward you receive for finally deciding to be a decent man."
I nodded.
"You're right."
"If you change, it has to be because you believe it's right. Not because you're afraid I'll leave."
I swallowed hard.
"Then I'll spend the rest of my life proving it, whether you stay or not."
She looked at me.
For the first time that night, her expression softened.
But she didn't come into my arms.
Instead, she picked up a blanket.
"I'm sleeping in the guest room tonight."
I stepped aside.
"Okay."
At the doorway, she paused.
"Sbu?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't make me regret believing in you."
Then she left.
I sat alone on the bed for a long time.
I had survived criminal organizations, dangerous clients, and people who wanted me dead.
Yet nothing had ever frightened me as much as the possibility of losing the woman who had shown me what love could be.
At six the next morning, my phone rang.
It was Nango.
She had already left for the police station.
"Sbu, you need to come here."
I stood immediately.
"What's wrong?"
"Detective Dube just received something from the property registry."
"What?"
Nango's voice trembled.
"Someone submitted documents to remove me from my position in the housing trust."
My heart sank.
"On what grounds?"
She took a shaky breath.
"They're claiming I'm mentally unfit to make decisions."
"That's insane."
"It gets worse."
"What could be worse?"
"The application includes a sworn statement saying you're controlling me."
I went cold.
May you like
Then Nango whispered the name of the person who had signed it.
"My mother."
